47. Post radiotherapy

Today is day 1 post radiotherapy.

The time lines for recovery are pretty sketchy if Im honest 😞

and obviously it depends on location, intensity, individual resilience to treatment, normal level of pre cancer fitness and general disposition.

But whatever, make no mistake, whoever you were/are recovery is never quick nor painless.

They tell you the effects will continue and reach a peak sometimes up to 2 weeks after treatment, however I have always seen a distinct improvement the longer I went between treatments, like my body was on repair mode and only just kept having to play catch up everytime I went back and topped up the damage.

Im treating the outside of my neck mainly today as is really sore and the skin is open in 2 places. I think I've been quite lucky compared to some I saw who seemed to have a really bad reaction very early on with red stretched glowing shiney necks and faces like they'd took a blow torch to their skin. 😱 I did start moisturiser even before treatment started and was fanatical about it 2 or 3 times a day throughout and I think that helped.

My throat is pretty raw on the left, and its been making my ear and teeth ache, but I'm expecting that to dull down as it has before when Ive not topped it up for a couple of days. I definitely think I could get by without too much pain meds during the day by late next week.

My mouth keeps suddenly drying out, and the yellow sticky coating in my throat could carry on for a few weeks apparently, I seem to still have some spit most of the time, so I'mhoping my saliva gland on the non treatment side has survived and I'll still have some spit and beable to keep my mouth and teeth cleaned which seems to be one of the troublesome long term side effects.

Also having some saliva still, helps getting your taste back, which sources quote can take from 6 weeks to 2 years😱😳 some people never fully returning to pre treatment levels of taste. 😞

I really miss cheese.....😭

I'm hoping that because I insisted on 1 side only, I have minimised the risks of long term serious after effects, but until healing begins, basically you just never know.

Medical articles go on to advise, radiotherapy can cause long term fatigue, depression and late emerging side effects long after treatment is over, and obviously I have always been aware that there is a huge possibility my thyroid, which is already only just ticking over, will stop working and I'llhave to take thyroxine for the rest of my life🫩

But I just have to wade through each day as it comes. Today, was just how I expected, painful from yesterday's treatment, probably getting a little more tolerable by tomorrow ( and no more topping up), but I'll be interested to see how much it eases down after the third day as I've never had longer between treatments to have an idea of what improvement to expect.

I hope to beable to maybe eat semi solids again if the pain is better by the end off the week,even if I can't taste it, eating something with substance and texture will definitely benefit both my morale and definitely my bowels😬😳

Also can't wait for the salt taste to die down so I can actually have a decent drink without retching on salty flavours after a few sips.

My weight is still going down, not hugely, but seems to be averaging a lb or just over every 3 days. I know a lb of human fat equates to 3000 calories so obviously im in calorie deficit of approx 1000 cals a day, which is about right cos Im managing 800-1000 in shakes and tea etc, plus my body is working hard to break down and get rid of the radiated cells out of my body and make new undamaged replacements.

But today above all, I tidied my room, sorted the various bags I have been taking with me everyday, threw away old medicine boxes, cleared my bedside cabinet of everything leaving only what I need now. I had a lovely bath, I dipped my whole body under the water ( I did have a towel ready to pat my sore neck asap as I emerged) I washed my hair, and used 'good' conditioner not the no chemicals one that I have had to use that left my hair like straw 😒. I put on real clothes ( leggings and a brand new baggy t shirt) even though I wasn't going out, and on more than one occasion I burst into ugly tears for no apparent reason, only the fact it had suddenly occurred to me the unassuming face mask sat on the floor in the corner of my bedroom meant treatment is over!

No one needs me to be anywhere, I dont need to be ok to face anyone or a journey or a waiting room or a bright loud,cold room filled with a huge metal clanking machine that scares the fuck out of me whilst it damages me and sends me home to deal with the pain its caused.

I know there will be tears, on lots of days, but thats also part of the healing. 😪

Its going to take some time, but I'll get there.

The worst is over.

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