51. I TASTE CHEESE

After a rather depressed and down sort of a day, although mainly with tolerable pain levels, Hubby asked whether I'd like anything as he was going to microwave his Chinese meal from Sainsbury's.

I can not emphasise how much willpower its taken not to jump on him like a trapped wildcat and rake his face off everytime this week he has ambled casually into my bedroom and started talking about what he plans to 'knock up for his tea' 🤬 Complete physical exhaustion has obviously also played a part, but the mutterings that go on whilst I lay smelling food wafting up from downstairs, and the taunting pinging of the microwave and air fryer, would fill a swear jar 100 times over.

Determined to keep trying, even if it means pain, tonight I plumped to try some gluten free spaghetti boiled and add a little cheese sauce to it.

I make my own cheese sauce and freeze it so I knew how cheesy it should taste which I felt for tonight's experiment was crucial.

And brilliant news.....I could taste cheese! 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️ not as cheesy as it should have been but definitely there. I managed about 4 dessert spoons of cheesy spaghetti and my throat didnt burn. 👌

Getting all adventurous, I tried a small spoon of Hubby's egg fried rice with a bit of the sweet/ sour sauce on, I knew I wouldn't risk swallowing it but I just wanted to run it round my mouth a couple of times and spit it out, and yes I could taste the sauce, and the rice which included a pea. 😀

Thinking I was on a roll I got a lemon mousse out the fridge to try, and although great I could taste lemon... no had to spit it out and stand swooshing my mouth out with water as it stung like Billy o.

But I have to say its been a huge mental boost. The worst fear for me was not having any taste after this. Being a qualified chef, although long since a working one, cooking is a huge part of my life, and not being able to cook anymore because of not being able to taste what I was cooking, would have left a huge void in my life going forward. Not to mention me never being able to enjoy food again. 😞

So although today Ive been tired, sad, and feeling a bit sorry for myself, tonight, be it not the vegetables I promised myself, my attempt at food has cheered me up.

In the meantime I still cant decide what I want the most, a Chinese takeaway or a full English Breakfast 🇬🇧🤔

But at least I can taste cheese, because let's face it, life without cheese is no life at all. 😀