31. 25% Done!

Today was a huge leap. Half way through my treatment, silently, deathly still, I celebrated in my head the fact I had done 25% of my treatment.

Laying there flipping my tiny bear in the palm of my hand, I could only dream of the day I count down those last seconds of the last treatment. But it will come, and everyday its a day closer, everyday its another 3 mins and 11 secs closer to being over.

After last week's initial swelling of the lymph node in my neck, this week day on day its shrinking, massively!

I can't actually believe how quickly, its back down to the size it was before I went to the drs in July.

I even wondered if by next week, when I see Will, my oncology radiotherapy consultant for a review, its even going to still be there.

That makes me very emotional, in that its been there,lurking, whispering to me for 14 months. Now so quickly, its as if by magic its just dissolving hour by hour.

This week being alone at home has been an eye opener for me also.

I didnt realise just how much energy and emotion I sacrifice to everyone and everything apart from myself on a daily basis. I think they say you are never the same after having cancer, and its true, I am better, stronger, and more capable than the life I have forced myself to tolerate for far too long, and I know once this is over, I won't be settling for the half life I have been existing.

Tomorrow is another day, another drive, another 3 mins 11 secs laying terrified,but instead of dreading it, Im waiting, for another day ticked off, another day closer to the end, another day closer to finishing, to recovering, to starting a new life, the life I deserve, the life I've fought for, alone. The life Im looking forward to because I have proof, alone is not only enough, its amazing.