37. Xmas not much fun

Well its 6 days since my last entry, and I have to say, not good.

I battled through the week, although I have to say much easier with hospital transport. But the Tuesday double treatment day, not only meant being out the house for almost 11 hours in total, the 2 treatments totally did me in.

By the time I got home, I could hardly stand, and everything hurt, even my neck skin which up until now has shown minimum reaction was on fire.

Also during the night the headache from hell started and was like someone had smashed the back of my skull with a bat when I woke up xmas eve for my last treatment before 3 days off.

Wednesdays trip, the quickest yet 2 ¾ hours over, and the elation to not have to drag myself there for 3 whole days, perked me up enough to stay up dressed ( in xmas clothes) all day xmas day. Paul managed, with some help, and amazing dinner, which he and lottie enjoyed, I mashed a few veg and tried, for his sake, I really didnt want to eat it, and presents were opened and TV was watched.

Boxing Day left me in bed the whole day, throat mucus yellow and bloody, and a temperature, and basically was sleep divided up by painful attempts at various sources of some calories, its no longer even considered food or eating, it purely a way of not starving. 😔 and whatever painkiller was next to try.

Im throwing every mouthwash, tablet, pain relief, creams, lozenges, sprays as I can at my mouth and throat just trying to get through another day. Another day closer to the end, so I can just come back here, and let the radiation slowly work its way out of my body, and finally be getting weller instead of sicker, for the first time in 15 months since this all first started.

Im under no illusion I'm probably going to be ill for months. Although everyone seems to think you finish treatment and woohoo everything is over🙄

Some people still aren't eating solid food for 12 months after.

The lump in my neck has totally disappeared now so Im hoping if it hadn't already spread, the treatments will have killed it.

Im losing weight, obviously, but not massive amounts as I've been able to drink lots of milky drinks and although cant taste it, all with 4 sugars in everything. So far about 7lb in 2 weeks since no food.

Got to try hard not to lose much in the next week before my last review, and the once I'm home unsupervised no threats of feeding tubes etc.

I reckon I have at least another 6- 8 weeks

of no taste or solid food, probably longer for things like toast etc.

But I'm still here, still fighting, still crying, still swearing, and after tomorrow's treatment I'll be in single figures. 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️