42. The last week

Keith from 2 Mondays ago is collecting me in the morning, so at least its a friendly face. Which I think I'll probably need on the way home at least.

I've felt very drained today, I really dont want to go back, but I know to draw a line under it all I have to do whatever needs doing in the last week.

All I keep telling myself is by Friday, it will all be over, and I can just come home, cry, sleep, scream, and try and find what's left of myself after all this shit.

4 more days.

I've booked myself a lovely weekend away on 20th Feb so Im going to try and be good for that.

2 wonderful days, in my own room, looking out over fields and gardens, a place to read, sleep, breakfast brought to my room every morning at a time I want to be bothered to get up.

Food has been off the menu for me today, apart from the pain in my throat, and splitting headache, I just can't seem to face anything.

Think its going to be a long road til food is back a big part of my day.

Its amazing how little the body can actually survive on.

Surprisingly I haven't lost alot of weight. I was basically eating ok, almost normally up until mid week 3 I think, so the biggest loss has only been going on for the last 2-3 weeks. I think Ive dropped about 11 lbs since the start of treatment, well when I was weighed on 5th Dec.

I always said the best thing about this whole thing would be the fact I'd lose some weight again.

Although I have to say I much preferred the Noom version in 2023, to cancer version in 2025 😞

It will be nice to slip into that favourite pair of jeans again though I have to say, maybe in another 3-4 weeks at this rate😳

Up at 8 to leave at 9 and hopefully home by 12.30 ish if Im lucky. But all that will mean is bath and back to bed and scared as the side effects ramp up about 2 hours after treatment.

My neck has started being very sore today, even peeling slightly which isn't good. Its been pretty unscathed up until about 3 days ago then it started getting really red and sore.

Im still set on doing 3 more treatments, tomorrow's, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Hopefully a day's rest inbetween each will give me some recovery time but I know even so by Friday everything is going to feel very unbearable , scarey, and out of my control. But at least I can just stay here and hopefully sleep through the worst.

Sleep now 😴 and the joy that is opiate induced dreams 😱

X