49. Sick of Salt

Although I didnt expect miracles, the pain in my tonsil ( or space where it used to be) has not improved much but it actually hasn't got worse.

Everyone seems to be told that all the side effects continue to escalate for at least 2 weeks after treatment has ended, so I wasn't expecting a couple of days in bed and feeling right as nine pence either.

Everyday however, the pain and various discomforts seem to shift. Yesterday I didnt have as much pain, but the back of my throat tongue and roof of my mouth felt rough and gritty, and the taste of salt was absolutely intense 🤢 and then I started getting the jagged glass up through the bottom of my chin into the base of my mouth under my tongue feeling like right at the beginning of when the side effects kicked in week 3.

I was hopefully everything was sort of 'rewinding' as it ground to a halt and stopped, although I really didnt want too many days of salt again and being constantly gagging on the taste. 😕

Today I woke up and my swallow was less painful and the salt taste had died right down to the point for the first time in I'd guess, 4 weeks, I managed to drink a whole half glass of water before it started to taste salty again.

My kidneys won't know what's hit them!😱

Paul decided to have chicken curry again, I'm sure he's doing it deliberately to stink the whole house out with food ( sadly my smell is totally unaffected in all this) so I stole half a teaspoon of rice covered in buttered chicken curry sauce. There was a waft, a mere whisper of the flavour of the sauce, but peculiarly I could quite definitely taste the rice. I nibbled it to a pulp, like a hamster on crack and managed to swallow it, although I did so standing over the sink, glass of water ready to swill/spit out so it didnt have chance to sting.

My neck is still discoloured but healing and re hydrating OK and I'm putting flamigel on it after washing it, and then aveeno as a moisture top up through the day if it feels tight.

I mostly laid about today as even just pottering about, making a drink, gojng up and downstairs still seems pretty exhausting, but I'm putting that more down to lack of food than the radiotherapy.

Its only been 3 days but it feels like a lifetime ago, I still don't quite know how I did it.

I keep having a bit of a cry when I feel overwhelmed by it all, but I know thats more to do with tiredness, not being in control still of my pain when its bad, and basically because I feel totally helpless and have no control of what when and how well all this is going to get better.

When you are sick usually, you eat soup, you take antibiotics if you need them, you know how long its reckoned to last and you sit it out, do everything you can and know in 'x' amount of days you'll be back to normal.

This doesn't play by those sort of rules. 😞😪

I could wake up tomorrow feeling better than today, or might just as easy feel worse.

Its easy to say take 1 day at a time, but I can't lay around like a wet rag forever.

I'm hoping for less pain by the end of the weekend, and less pain could mean better eating, better eating means more energy, and more moving about might mean purging the dead cells and radiation quicker.

I honestly haven't even factored in my mental health in all this, Im hoping my social phobia and anxiety don't have a flare up when it really sinks in what's been happening to me, which I have to consider as I've basically been in survival mode trying to not die, once that goes I just hope my agoraphobia doesnt flair up from the stress. Not that I go many places, my world is small, but its a small life I've had to fight for over the years, rather than become a complete hermit.

But tomorrow will bring 🤷‍♀️ and we'll take one day at a time, thats all we can do.

Meantime Lottie loves the permanent duvet days. ❤️