55. Baby Steps

Not alot has happened.

The number on the scales continues downward, the pain and soreness in my throat continues to jump around and vary between sort of tolerable to 'no no Im just really sick of it now'.😪

Time spent pottering about has lengthened, instead of having a bath, new pyjamas and straight back to bed I've managed to stay downstairs and empty the dishwasher, or go through the ironing basket and put some non ironing clothes away.

It all seems a little bit pathetic when you try to list the extra activity, but in my head I know Im not going to be back to full steam ahead for quite some weeks.

The hospital couriered my mouthwash over. Apparently it can only be prescribed by the oncology doctors that why it wasn't ported over to my GP.

I think they call it 'magic mouthwash' in the trade. A mixture of lidocaine and hydrocortisone steroid which I have read in medical circles is a controversial choice.

But seeing as they didnt sort my meds out, I reckon they owe me by bending some rules and giving me a bottle of the contraband stuff🤔

I tried to eat the scooped out potato of a jacket potato today mashed butter, a spoonful of baked beans and some cheese into it.

I couldn't really taste much, just a wisp of cheese, and absolutely no beans, and the pastiness of it I found really hardto swallow so I only managed a couple of teaspoons.

I tried to follow it with a jelly with evaporated milk on, but that stung, almost immediately so that went down the loo as well, just cut out the middle man (di) its easier than digesting it and alot fewer calories 😒

I'm hoping the dietician doesnt ring anytime soon cos I dont really want to have to lie about how much weight Ive lost, I know they told someone else if you lose more than 10 lbs they have you in a tube feed you. 😱 and Ive lost double that 🙄

But its not like I was skinny to start with🤷‍♀️

I was hoping to try and eat a normal meal by this weekend, but the amount Im managing, and level of taste I can't see that happening.

But everyday, is baby steps towards getting back to normal, whatever normal now is going to end up being 😕

I'm just so tired all the time and only eating more and getting the radiation out my system will fix that. So everyday small wins will get me there.