61. Back to the battle ground.

Yesterday saw me back at Addenbrookes clinic 10 for my 6 week post treatment review

9 mins of weighing weeing and shoving cameras up my nose.

The Irish ENT dr seemed more than impressed with what she saw, Im healing up and doing marvellously apparently. Dietician and speech therapy rung and 'discharged' me today as Im ahead of the expected recovery schedule by weeks she said.

I know I'm far from over everything, but seeing some of the people in the waiting room of clinic 10 who I recognised from radiotherapy same time as me, well I look loads better.

One guy I noticed still looked as lost frightened and ill as he did 6 weeks ago.

How many are still unable to eat, swallow, still in so much pain.

I m thankful for my choices.

Thankful and proud of myself.

I know during treatment, I struggled, the sheer exhaustion of having to get up and drag myself there, be around so much stimulus, people, lights, noises, would have been enough to make me ill, without the pain, lack of food and radiation, not to mention the daily trauma of the mask😞 and for those last weeks, I struggled, I wasn't as strong as I'd hoped. Quite a few days I just wanted to give up altogether but somehow I just kept pushing, and again, I finished it, my way.

But once it was over, and I could shut myself away again, shut out the noise, the hub bub, and isolate myself, I've healed, and healed super charged fast, it seems.

I cooked and ate a full roast turkey dinner for tea tonight. And tasted every bite. I bet none of those people in clinic 10 on their 6 week review were doing that today.

Its sad, but their struggle, made me feel like a winner.

And for once, I'll allow myself that.

I deserve it 😶