64. To fast or not to fast.

The eating side of the side effects is well back to normal now apart from a few foods not tasting quite right ( funky) and I lost 20lbs in the treatment period and the 3 weeks after when I was on totally liquid food.

I was happy for the loss, even if the dieticians weren't and keep nagging at me.

Since being able to eat properly again, and when I say properly I'm still only eating 1 full meal a day at night time, and the res to of the day is snacks or shakes.

Because I feel so tired and worn out I've decided to have a bit of a detox and try and settle my diabetes which I'm sure has been going nuts with either no food or liquids full of carbs and sugars in the shakes :(

So I've set up my phone app to fast me from 10 pm til mid day the next day to try and get my insulin a bit more balanced and hopefully see an energy boost.

It will also help me not put the weight I lost back on although in the last 3 weeks as I have been eating more types of food 5 lbs have crept back on and my size smaller jeans I was getting into are not so easy to get back into as they were in February.

We managed, amazingly, as it absolutely chucked it down with rain on Thursday night to go and have a tidy in the garden last Friday and Paul mowed the lawn, much to Lottie's delight as now her army of tennis balls roll on the grass which is much more fun when chasing.

Considering this time last year we had half a lawn no plants no Kabin and the bare bones of what I had planned of a new garden, it looks amazing out there , even if i do say so myself.

The lawn still needs some work but considering half of it was dug up and the rest was mainly mud from the diggers rolling back and forth over it when laying the base for the kabin and the paths, its perked itself up quite nicely.

The fact our friends Lewis and Pat came before Xmas, and rebuilt 'the sung' for us and its now totally water proof and piped into the mains drain for the rain water to run off the roofs properly is the finally cherry on the cake that the outside is totally sorted low maintained and ready for the better weather to just water the flowers mow the lawn and enjoy sitting under the snug in the evenings and reflecting on the day.

My nails are still not great and I'm trying everything to stop the white patches and lifting/bleeding, I'm convinced its psoriasis which I have suffered with before especially as I know my white blood cells will have been going mental with the radiotherapy, but I'm also worried because I'm run down its fungal so as well as using tea tree oil, vit d oil to keep under the nail soft I've starting dripping some anti fungal drops all around and under each nail at bedtime as well, I might even try rubbing some Canesten cream into the nail beds and see if that helps.

My neck is quite tight, and I'm putting that down to not sleeping well on a new set of pillows that I got a couple of weeks ago, but we did rotate the mattress in case it was where I've spend so much time in bed over the last 3 -4 months they was a dip and my shoulders are sinking and pulling my neck and shoulder muscles when I'm asleep. If it was the side of the radiotherapy I'd mention it to the oncology team just in case of got a touch of late stage tightening of tendons etc but as its on the wrong side I'm preferring to write it off for now as bad sleeping.

I can't say Mothers Day came and went without some tears, but not for conventional reasons.

Lottie's card to me stared back at me with just 'love from Lottie' and the tears just flooded out again for the fact my Boy has gone.

If ever I was 'required' in this life it was by him and he's gone, and I miss him everyday.

I found myself standing in the window cuddling his black curled cat urn sobbing and wishing I could cuddle his soft little body one more time instead of a hard wooden casket that contains the last physical remnants of him.

So we had the meatloaf with minimal 'funkiness' of the sauce Paul said, we sorted the garden, we did a new jigsaw, and we binge watched another crimes drama on netflix in 1 night.

Life is almost returning to it normal levels of boring.

For at least the next few weeks anyhow....