65. Something to look forward to at last.

This week has flown past and I even kept thinking it was a day ahead of what day it actually was for some reason. My eating and swallowing have not improved much this week, in fact a couple of mornings its been pretty grim even trying to eat anything before my throat 'gets going' about 2 hours after I've been up.

My nails; although I'm trying everything still have not improved although in saying that they don't seem to be getting worse either so hopefully they won't all fall off :( A lovely lady who had moved to one of the Greek islands from the UK messaged me via this blog and asked to message me on face book if I had a account, as her husband has just had treatment for throat cancer out there. They aren't getting much support or advice so we have started chatting.

Wow! How much we have in common, even the same favourite book. The internet is such a weird place and gives you opportunity to bump into people in the cosmos you would never in a googleplex ( bttfp3, if you know, you know) have stumbled on otherwise. But I'm so glad I did, as talking to her and hearing about their life has pushed me to book us a holiday for the first time in 21 years. The last time we went on a 'proper' holiday was to Malta in 2005 and since then, work, cats, illness, renovating houses, covid, have stopped us from having more than a few snatched nights away furthest being the channel islands. After facing the cancer treatments and all the hospitals over the last few months I'm am sure with the right preparation I can cope with the hellish environment of the airport hopefully, and Paul has paid for us to fly business class so the check in process and waiting time is a bare minimum in the most un stimulated environment we get get, so I don't have a freak out before we even get on the plane with any luck. I have to say I am so exhausted lately I don't think I could summon the energy for a panic attack LOL but I also know they aren't negotiable when and if they happen. So I have something to look forward to apart from a calendar of future medical check ups and of course the dreaded 'bum dr' and the scheduled colonoscopy which has now been moved to May instead of April as the consultants father died :S We have decided to try and find Lottie a companion, as we both think she is far too dependant on us as she's lonely. After discussions with Aunty Ella her surrogate mum and dog boarder, we have decided to try and find her a friend of same age, size, breed ( ish) and temperament. Pretty tough call tbh but we're are going to try. Having 2 white fluff balls watching you in the toilet can't be a lot different to 1 and I really think it will make her( and ours) life more fulfilling. I spoke to the dietician at Addenbrookes and they have prescribed me more shakes for another 3 months, as I and they think the eating thing is going to be pretty much on going for a while yet and there will be days I just don't fancy or can't be bothered tackling the prospect of real food.

I am of the thinking at £2.50 a bottle for the shakes as long as they want to prescribe them, even if I don't use the full quota each month, they don't go off and I can keep them in the garage long after the prescription ones are stopped. I have to say I actually like the taste of them now and feel slightly addicted to them in the fact that if I go a whole day without having one because I've eaten something, if it wasn't for how calorie dense they are I'd probably just fancy one as a drink. Foods like cheese and chips and bread are still a struggle and never to be tackled without a drink at the ready. Tea still tastes foul, metallic, which I am really upset about, and seeing as most things now the taste has gone back to normal, I'm really worried I'm going to be stuck with metallic tea taste forever. I did love a cup of tea :( and coffee is a very poor substitute especially as I need sugar in it and that doesn't work well in my weight watching and diabetes control. We spent some time in the garden although it has got quite chilly again even with the sun being out, and sorted all the solar lights that had been stored for winter and gradually getting bits and bobs done in between throwing endless catches of tennis balls for Lottie who's enthusiasm for a game of catch or chase never runs out. My pulled shoulder has eased off and I can actually turn over in the night now and not wake myself up, but due to my throat feeling very fragile I have again decided to use the humidifier at night whilst I'm asleep. Last night although dryish I didn't wake up with a totally sore throat and dry mouth like I have been, so hopefully, although a bit of a pain having to have it going every night, and cleaning it etc. I think it might be worth the effort for a bit longer. I was recovering so well I think I stopped doing stuff thinking I didn't need it, when I should have just carried on for longer, but never mind, hopefully no damage done. This week I have 2 appointments to go to, and I've made sure they are afternoons so I have plenty of time to get myself in a fit state before I have to leave the house as I've not been sleeping that great, and the following week is Easter (already). Lottie is booked to go to the groomers on Good Friday as she hasn't been for over 6 months, although we have given her home haircuts and zuzzed her a couple of times and she gets a bath on average every 2 weeks or if she's been to aunty Ella's and comes back smelling of other doggies. But for the time being I just need to concentrate on doing everything I can to keep improving, eat well and healthy, look forward to a holiday, and try and put hospitals and bum cameras to the back of my mind.

And not eat too many easter eggs!