79. Some like it Hot

Well we are in the 4th or 5th wave of extreme heat this summer so far, and this week its meant to reach the mid 30's again. Thank God for air con! I'm feeling still very drained and iffy most days, and mainly resting and sorting out the clothes room in short bursts of 30 mins before collapsing on the sofa again for the rest of the day. I'm almost out of Fortisip shakes after stretching out my 3 month supply from Jan and will have to 'go it alone' on calories as of the end of the week. 😒

I've just managed to sustain my weight on what I'm eating and drinking and that's included at least 1 shake containing 400 calories a day, on the days I can eat comfortably, on days where I cant hardly eat much I have been drinking milky drinks and sometimes 2 shakes. Without them to fall back on I think there will definitely be some slow but steady weight loss. Not that that's an issue weight wise, I can afford to lose lots, but on a recovery and health point of view probably not to good an idea tbh. I'm amazed at how little I'm happy with achieving at the moment, I have no urge to decorate or change the house, do more than the minimum housework, worry about the garden or even do any of my crafting, and I'm not sure if its just from being so exhausted most of the time, or a bit of depression. I think the fight to get to the stage where they have done everything and just then require you to 'pop back' and keep checking , rather than to keep wanting to actually 'do' stuff to you keeps you hyped up and in battle mode. Now its all calmed down and obviously the adrenaline isn't surging, the 'ooh well what now' has kicked in and leaving me a little battle scarred mentally I think. My legs, hip and back have stopped screaming at me permanently, but do start singing again with very little effort on my part I have to say. Sleeping is broken and uncomfortable and even spread out in a super king size bed alone with about 8 pillows to support various body parts I still only manage on average 2 hours sleep before waking up to either wee, or have to move a part of me that's hurting or gone numb, or squirt mouth spray into my mouth that feels like its been lined with sand paper. Today I missed a Dr's appointment at the local surgery for a blood test, but I really couldn't be bothered to go, being threatened they'd stop my prescription seemed a good enough reason to rebel already, but when I woke up with vertigo and only 25 mins to get there it was a done deal I wouldn't be attending. I laughed when they texted the 'make an appointment or no prescription threat', they don't even supply me any drugs, I buy them on subscription off the internet 😂 fools!!!

When I'm feeling a little more motivated I really must change Dr's, I only moved to go back to that practice for my old GP who sadly also got cancer and she isn't there anymore. So they really aren't fit for purpose without her.

In 2 weeks I'm back to Addenbrookes and hopefully have a bit more of a talk about some of the lasting side effects, and if they think they will be permanent if they haven't got any better by now. I think everything will be easier to suffer during the winter, the foods different, more moist for swallowing etc, and not as hot dehydrating you all the time when you already have no spit and a dry mouth.

I lost a corner of a back tooth last week also 😒 on a tooth the other side to the radiotherapy, so that's a little concerning, and I still cant find a NHS dentist or get the toothpaste prescribed by my GP. I suppose these are all the little challenges you get left with even if you live!

But there's lots that don't so I suppose I should be grateful. Just got to rest, recharge, and try and get as much energy in reserve for our holiday in September. A week in the sun and quiet, gentle swimming and blue sea, hopefully will set me up for winter and the long dark weeks until Christmas. This year we have to celebrate as last year I was in the middle of treatment and just got to the stage of not eating and could taste nothing, so this years turkey dinner will be very much enjoyed probably with a few tears mixed in. But for now, I just need everything to stay 'normal' (ish)