40. 2026 Happy New Year 🎉

Well this has got to be one of the most dreary New Years on record.

I was asleep in bed dosed up on pain killer by 9 p.m on New yr eve.

Today, no roast, no 2nd Xmas ( not that there was a first in this house really) and no turkey and leek pie from leftovers.

There was pea soup through a sieve, and chocolate mousse and tears. 😪

I've managed to feel ok enough to get up, eat downstairs, take Lottie out, and a bath and the total rig ma roll that is trying to wash my hair since treatment started. 🙄 ( dont get your neck or back of head exit point wet, and dont get it hot with the hair dryer 🫡😬🫩)

So at least I feel clean and relaxed and ready for tomorrow's trip back to nuke the shit out of my poor damaged body yet again.

Treatment 23.

It should be 25 but what's 4 gry amongst the dying🤷‍♀️

I have ordered some compact protein shakes, only 125ml to get in, the hospital was meant to sort it, but like everything else, I'm not that important. So I've just brought them myself off amazon, Im hoping even if they burn, its such a small amount to swallow for such alot of calories it will spur me on to drink at least a couple everyday.

Ive been thinking about food alot, but when I actually go to eat, the knowledge of how much I know its going to hurt, combined with the fact I cant taste anything only salt, I just dont want anything.

I'm frightened my taste isn't going to come back, and I'm left with salt forever. I won't beable to live like this, basically eternally thirsty because you cant drink without tasting salt and that just makes your brain think you're even more thirsty than before 😔

When the pain is bad, my jaw muscle and inside my mouth is tight and feels like its ripping if I try to open my mouth even half way, but when I ward the pain off a little Ive been making sure I do the stretching excercises and so I can still chew, even though nothing I'm eating right now needs chewing.

I felt like my swallow was getting a little weak before, but its not got worse, that would really scare me I have to be honest 😵‍💫

I booked 2 tickets in about October last year to go and listen to an orchestra play songs from films by candle light in Ely cathedral on 30th Jan. Ive found the tickets and Ive made it my goal to try and be well enough to go.

Let's see how that goes 😬

So first treatment of 2026 tomorrow

😒😵‍💫😞

X